Ahhhhh!  Life!  What a crazy ride!
Remember when I used to blog?  Yeah, about that.  Life kinda sucked me in and chewed me up for a bit.  I mean, I am just doing the basics around here.  But I am recently starting to attend to some beyond-basic goals, and I have been challenged to do something for me... something that makes me, ME.  And once upon a time when there was a "me," I used to enjoy writing.  I don't know if this actually counts as the kind I used to enjoy, but it's a start.
Let's get this party started with a review of "Being Summer Schaefer, 2012".
One day in early March I feel shaky and weak.  Weird.  Another day in March I feel shaky and weak.  Weirder.  I call the hubs and while I'm chatting with him telling him my bodily state, I rummage through the bathroom cabinet and find a pregnancy test.  I pee on it.  I'm still talking to Michael (don't judge) and he asks if I need to see a doctor.  Right as he questions me, I see a distinct "positive" line show up on the pee-stick.  So I reply, "Yes.  I should probably see a doctor.  I'm pregnant."  He, of course, thought I was kidding because no where in our immediate agenda was pregnancy.  We thought we were doing a fine job at preventing actually.  After all, we had a 10 month old baby boy.  But the minute that line announced the surprise, we were filled with oodles of freaked out excitement.
So, I scheduled an OB appointment with the best doc ever, Dr. Horsley.  He ordered the standard blood-thinning shots I take in pregnancy due to my hereditary predisposition to clot.  I was still getting maternity insurance in order, so I waited a handful of days (maybe 5) to pick them up from the pharmacy.  But in those few days, I felt a strange (invisible) bruise in my upper inside calf.  The next day, it was still invisible, but larger.  I called the doc.  They said to watch it.  It got larger.  So I went in for a sonogram on it.  I had a blood clot.  A superficial one all the way up to my groin.  But superficial ones aren't dangerous.  However, the clot was very close to my deep vein system, so to be safe, they upped my shot dosage substantially.  I went in for another sonogram a few weeks later, and the clot had shrunk a ton.  So a visiting high risk OB ordered my dosage to be lowered again.  Dumb ass.  After about a week on the lower dose, I felt the bruise grow again, this time all the way above my groin area.  So I went in for another sonogram and sure enough I now had a Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT), the dangerous kind.  The ultrasound tech called Dr. H to report the findings, but she couldn't get a hold of him.  She said I wasn't allowed to leave the premises, so she made me promise to go sit in his office until he was available.  When he finally came to see me, I thought he would simply re-up my meds.  Nope.  He just walked in and said, "We're going to wheel you upstairs to a hospital room for a few days."  I of course respond with, "WHAT???  You're admitting me??? I feel fine!  I can walk!  What the????"  But apparently immediate death was a viable possibility for the next few days, so I was wheeled off and placed in a bed that I was not allowed to leave without nurse assistance.  Well, let me take you to the night before this clot was discovered.  I was stressed out and overwhelmed to the max and I PRAYED and PRAYED for a break.  And I sure got one!  I layed in that hospital bed cruising the internet, watching TV, ordering food, and effortlessly weaning my baby!  It was amazing!  A-MAZ-ING!
Fast forward through that pregnancy.  Tons of appointments due to the clot, but all went well and baby boy Schaefer grew just fine.
October comes, and baby #4 is due.  I have a scheduled c-section for a few reasons.  Most important to me was so that I wouldn't ruin my bladder sling in the delivery.  Remember that I pee-ed my pants horribly for the past six years due to birth trauma with my first.  I was not about to give up my new continent life for a measly delivery!  Second, Dr. Horsley (a stake president who I trust completely) STRONGLY encouraged me to tie my tubes.  He'd prefer I didn't have more babies and die.  Okay.  C-section with a tubal ligation it is then!  Mom comes into town to help out for a couple weeks.
October 15th (18 months to the day after Eli's arrival) and our SWEET, PERFECT Christian Michael Schaefer was born.  All seemed to go well with the delivery, except for the fact that I did not like the drugs they gave me.  And I'm usually a fan of drugs.  Huh.  Whatever.  I was released from the hospital later that week.  But, I got home and the following day, noticed a spot of blood on my undies right where the c-sec incision was.  I looked and saw about a 2 inch tear.  Not good.  A few minutes after that discovery, I twisted wrong, and felt a RIP.  Uh, very not good.  As far as we knew, the tear was small, but my Mom and I headed to the ER.  By the time I was seen, my incision had torn all the way across.  HOLY BLOODY MESS!!!  Sickity-sickerson!  I guess my skin wouldn't seal shut because of the thinners I was on.  They stitched me up and boy, was I relieved.
I saw Doc H the following Monday regarding the incident.  And... he was NOT HAPPY that they restitched me!  He basically said it was now a hot-mess of a situation and he didn't know how to handle it, so he sent me to the Wound Clinic.  Basically I was now ripe for infection.  Dr. WoundClinicGuy didn't know what to do either because to reverse the stitches, I would need a surgery, and surgeries aren't good for clotters on thinners.  So he sent me to a surgeon.  The surgeon seemed much more confident (thank goodness) and scheduled a surgery to clean out extra blood clots and NOT RE-STITCH me!  That's right.  It had to heal from the inside out.  I was to pack it with gauze daily for a couple months.  When I say "I" was to pack it, I mean anybody but me got to do the honors.
The surgery went well.  I actually enjoy minor surgery.  DRUGS!!!!  Mmmmmm.......!  As we realized that my birthing recovery had just been elongated, my sweet, heroic mom decided to postpone her trip home.  So she played Mom to all FOUR of my sweet and crazy kids while I slept the days away!  My body was hammered.  Now, you might feel sorry for me at this point, but DON'T!  When in your adult life as a mother can you be laid up in bed PEACEFULLY while someone else waits on you and your kids.  NEVER!  THANK YOU MOM!  I dare say, aside from the physical pain, it was almost enjoyable!
Turns out that my Aunt Coral got wind of the happenings.  She had years before had the same thing happen to her after a hysterectomy.  So she kindly came right on up and spent a week with us tending to my wound.  Thanks Aunt C!
And I have to say that Michael was SUCH A TROOPER packing my disgusting incision, although it did cause him to occasionally skip his dinner!
Since Mom's say was so elongated, Dad came up for Thanksgiving.   I may have been in a sad state, but truth be told, my wildest dream was about to come true!  You see, Black Friday is my VERY favorite day of the year!  I LOVE IT!  I love it so much that I never miss, even on years I have to brave the cold and crowds by myself.  So when I realized that by some amazing grace, both my parents would be here for that eventful day, I somehow conned them into going BF shopping with me!  Michael agreed to stay home with all the kiddos (including our new baby) all night and let us sleep the next day!  What a guy, right?!!!  I may have been a bit of a cripple, but I sure felt great that night!  Dad made it about half way through, and Mom made it from 7pm to 10am!  FUNNEST NIGHT EVER EVER EVER!
Well, I was beginning to get around better, so my mom was scheduled to leave the Wednesday after Thanksgiving with my dad.  I guess it was about time for her to leave me to my own devices.  Boo!  HOWEVER (are you shocked), we were sitting at church on the Sunday before her departure and she pointed to her legs.  One leg happened to be swollen while the other did not.  Uh, that's not good.  I'm very familiar with blood clots at this point, so I'm concerned at this tell-tale sign.  She's not too concerned however b/c she's had a clot before and this one feels different.  In fact, it hardly felt like anything at all to her.  But I strong-armed her and promptly accompanied her to the ER after church.  Incidentally, we had blessed Christian that morning and Shane and his family were visiting for the day from their Thanksgiving spent with Amy's sister.  I felt bad having to take Mom away from them, but I felt strongly about the situation.  So...YOU GUESSED IT!  Mom had a DVT!  You know, the possible insta-killer.  So she was hospitalized and instructed not to travel for a time.  Looks like she'd be sticking around longer.  I have to say that assuming she would be fine, I was quite pleased that I wouldn't have to give her up yet, but in all fairness, I did feel guilty that now she was STUCK at my house and would not be able to go to Arizona over Christmas as planned to see my brothers.  As luck would have it, Dad returned to Florida without her and Mom continued her crazy long stay.
Turns out that was a good thing.  Right about the time I started being more mobile, I did something to my right foot.  I have no idea what was wrong, but it was very painful to walk on it.  I saw the doc and he thought I may have a hairline fracture, so he gave me a boot.  The next morning I was getting out of bed to change the baby at about 6am and I stepped on that blasted boot.  I stepped on it with my good foot, but I uttered a naughty word or two and went on my way.  That is until Michael heard some commotion and came to see what was going on.  He pointed out the blood on the floor, so I sat to look at my foot.  I had sliced a toe of mine DEEP.  So, my sweet mom and I headed again to the ER.  Holy crap.  Stitches.  AND...another boot!  You can't make this stuff up!  I was quite a sight for sore eyes.  Of course those stitches came out within the day making me wear that boot about a week longer.  Cool.
During my boot sentence, I woke up one morning with the most bizarre pain behind my ear.  Yeah, it felt like a monster bruise, as if I had whopped my head with a hammer!  So I sheepishly went to see Doc Stevens and told him I had an invisible bruise that I had no recollection of getting.  Turns out I
had mastoiditis.  Well, what's mastoiditis?  Oh, no big deal.  Its just an infection in the bone behind your  ear that is incredibly hard to clear and was the number one killer of children before antibiotics.  He promptly had his nurse give me a mother of a shot in the buttocks and sent me away with mega-antibiotics.  He warned me to be diligent with the meds or this infection would surely lead to a bone scraping surgery.  Wow.  Serious???
Don't worry!  The drama is almost over.  Almost.  So, my good friend Crazy Mary was visiting Utah from Cali and organized a reunion with our good friends from our years in Hawaii.  This was the Sunday before New Years.  We made the 2 hour plus drive down to our friend's house for said reunion and pot-luck.  On the way down, my upper stomach was cramping quite a bit.  We stopped on the drive and I hurled a bit.  I felt better after though and we continued.  What a fun reunion!  They are never long enough.  So we began the journey back home and arrived close to midnight without incident.  My mom and dad (he was back for Christmas since my mom was still out) were waiting for us since they had watched the baby to save him from the long drive.  But within a few minutes after arriving home, the stomach cramps resumed, this time with much more furor.  HOLY CRAP!  The pain was so intense I had to breathe through it.  SHOCKER.  Off to the ER again.  Dad took me this time.  Gallstones.  Freaking gallstones.  Really???  I've never had an issue with gallstones.  Apparently pregnancy is a naughty little catalyst for such an event.  The doc told me I would have to have my gallbladder removed since stones don't go away and most likely I would now continue to have attacks.  Unbelievable!!!  But now early morning Dec. 31 and incidentally my last day of insurance.  Wowza.  I mentioned that to the ER doc and he ever-so-kindly said that was not his problem.  He did however agree to call a surgeon and see if I could be fit in for later that day.   The surgeon said he had no prob fitting me in for a surgery that afternoon.  So I was admitted and drugged.  Sweeeeeeeet!  I do like drugs.  Have I mentioned that?  More drugs and a surgery followed by more drugs.  Mmmmmm..... .  So that worked out.  Cool.  I dragged my drugged butt out of the hospital at 10pm that night so I would be sure not be there at midnight when I no longer had hospital coverage.  I was so very tired, and I layed on my dad's shoulder on the drive home.  I am absolutely convinced that the timing there was divine intervention.  
I got home and my mom had just used up my last bit of pumped milk to feed the baby.  She was very tired as she had stayed up with the baby the night before.  So I sent her to bed.  Soon enough, Christian was hungry, but I was not allowed to nurse him due to the drugs (mmmmmm....) in my system, so I started preparing his first bottle of formula.  Boy was I tired as I fed him that bottle.  Yet I noticed as he drank that he started getting red around his lips.  Then down his chin.  Then splotchy all over his face.  Then his ears started swelling.  Pretty soon his whole tiny body was covered in hives and he was getting very lethargic.  He began to cough and vomit.  I freaked out.  So I googled like any good little mom would do.  I then proceeded to freak out more and rushed to the very hospital I had just checked out from.  My tired mom came with me to visit the nice desk receptionist who had checked me in the night before and waved good-bye just a couple hours earlier.  Poor Christian was given antihistamines and steroids through an IV and watched until he cleared up around 4am!  Talk about scary, exhausting, and ridiculous!  So no more normal formula for that little guy!  Sheesh!
K, seriously, all this drama is just about over, I promise.  Just one little side note of a hitch.  My parents took us out to a big meal at TX Roadhouse the Saturday before they were going to leave (for real this time).  We ate like kings...or pigs.  Apparently that was not a bright idea with a freshly removed gall bladder!  The next day, I was getting ready for church and pushing through some serious nausea.  Until I started puking and quit pushing.  And I continued to "empty" that stomach for the next three days in the most painful and horrific manner I have ever experienced.  On the bright side, I lost 14 lbs.  So as not to make people jealous, I made sure to gain about half back upon recovery.  But I have to say that the DVT, delivery, wound rip, wound rip surgery, foot issues, and gallbladder removal were so very much more enjoyable that the raging insides I pansied through for those 3 days.  JUST AWFUL!
You know what I believe?  I believe God is in charge.  I believe he tries us to help us grow.  I also believe he doesn't give us more than we can handle.  All the health garbage actually wasn't too bad because my Mom was there the whole time and I had a great deal of help from church, friends, Dad, Coral, and of course Michael.  And I believe God packed those trials in for me because it was a time I really could handle them given my mom's stay and the fabulous insurance.  Now I believe life will slow down and I'll be healthy as a horse until God deems its time for more stretching in that way.  And if he sees fit to try me like that again, He again will provide ways for me to get through it all.
I will try to write more later about the other happenings in the Schaefer household, because of course there is more going on in this family than just my piece of crazy.  Someday.  Maybe sooner than later.

Toot-Toot! Meet the New Summer Schaefer

This post is dedicated to those who knew me in my former life. I'm talking about those who knew the me that balked at everything house-wife-ish. And those who knew me to forget the lemon in a lemon meringue pie and literally explode a pan of brownies. Literally. I'm talking about my parents who got a phone call as I went from Florida to BYU as an 18 year old saying, "I can't be here! I don't fit in with all these MORMON girls who cook and bake and sing and play piano!" And I'm talking about friends who listened to me mentally gag at the idea of nursing, but it didn't matter, because I was sure I wouldn't be getting married anyway. That is who I dedicate this post to because, boy oh boy, THINGS HAVE CHANGED!

I, of course, did get married. And now I have three wonderfully fantastic and crazy kids. In a side note, I am now very pro-nursing and even nursed my oldest until he was 3 months shy of 3 years old!

I just feel the compulsion to list some of the changes that I, Summer Schafer, have made in the last few years (hard as they are to believe).

Changes:

-First I began to enjoy cooking. AND I wasn't so bad at it. Shocking.

-Next I learned to do Foot Renewal. I went to a school to learn the art of rubbing the feet in very specific ways to spark the signals of the body for healing. Its pretty amazing. I don't do it enough, really. But I can!

-I switched full board to brown rice. Even those picky kids of mine.

-I learned to use essential oils for health benefits. Some of my favorites are Lavender oil for calming (etc...) and DoTerra's Breathe for asthma and congestion.

-I often clean with a vinegar, water, and essesntial oil mixture.

-We did a garden last year and I kinda sorta liked it. I also used to mock these people. We were too busy to garden this summer though :(

-For my family, I started GRINDING wheat AND making homemade wheat bread! WHAT??? I used to mock those people!

-Now I am learning that I need to soak wheat and other grains and legumes before cooking them for my family. This removes dangerous and nutrient blocking phytic acids (and more).

-For myself, I make a homemade sour dough wheat bread. I'm the only one who will eat it, but it's worlds ahead on the nutrition scale.

-I grow Kefir from Kefir grains and use it in smoothies, dressings, and for other milk substitutes.

-I make (almost) green smoothies. I say 'almost' b/c I haven't yet acquired the taste for veggie dominant smoothies.

-I switched to a natural soap made with veggie oil. We use Real Salt. We use actual butter (I've even made some). I occasionally put down the Pam and use liquid lecithin mixed with olive oil. I only use EVOO and coconut oil when I cook. I grind flax seed.

-I rarely use the microwave. When I do, I make sure to cook on glass or ceramic.

-I made homemade (baby) brown rice cereal and oat cereal.

-We don't have cable. We cut it mainly for financial reasons, but with other entertainment options available, we probably won't go back. Instant Netflix is easier to monitor what our kids watch and we're not subject to all those commercials. Plus, I get addicted to TV series pretty insanely fast.

-I got off my anti-anxiety medicine and have been successful off thanks to oils and nutrition. But I will concede that if I need to be on meds, then I need to be on meds, and I would in that case go back on.

-I fought Quincy's eczema with either vinegar or bleach in her bathwater and lotion mixed with essential oils. None of that steroid crap.

-I'm finally starting to lose weight after an incredibly discouraging FOUR YEAR FAIL! I tried and I tried and I tried. For me (and I do think its somewhat unique to me) I have to eat the RIGHT foods (read: whole foods) rather than cut calories to shed pounds. True story.

Now I need to list the things I WANT to do:

-I want to switch to a aluminum-free antiperspirant/deodorant. I tried. Tom's. The crystal rock thing. I STANK. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

-I want to exercise REGULARLY. This could/should soon be a reality b/c I had my leaky bladder surgically fixed and just completed the "don't exert for 3 months" requirement. So I just purchased a trial gym membership.

-I want to make cultured veggies, like saur-kraut and pickles. The raw, no vinegar, fermented kind. I need to shell out cash for the proper equipment.

-I want my children to eat healthily, rather than eating a few healthy things as side-dishes to the crap. I have a game plan. The main prob here is I'm a softie. But I figure they get enough treats at places like school, so they don't need junk from me too. Wish me luck in the fight.

-I want to eat local and organic produce and animal products. I'll get on that.

-Going green. I'm just not there. I drive my car. I don't bring my own bags to the store. I use sandwich baggies. Things like that. Someday I'll be converted I suspect.

-I want to live on a large plot of land in a modest house in almost the middle of nowhere.

-Making cheese. Someday I will. Sooner than later I think.

And finally, a list of things I can't seem to wrap my head around:

-Home School. I wish I could... I think. But pretty sure I'd suck at it. And I do see some definite benefits to public schooling. But it kinda feels like throwing my kids to the wolves. Oh well.

-Sewing. Probably a useful thing. Or I could just keep my sewing friends who love me. Yeah, I'll do that.

-Crafting. Occasionally I try against my soul-deep better judgment. And I repeatedly fail. Blech!

-Cooking only with ceramic, glass, or stainless steel. I should, I know! But I love my non-stick pans.

-Herbal Remedies. YUCKY-YUCK-YUCK! Oils do the same thing, right?

-Cloth diapers. Can't. Get. Over. The. Gross. Sorry.

-Running a self-sustaining little farm. Amazing. But I'm pretty sure I'm too lazy for that.

-Reading consistently. A good thing, I hear. But, who's got the time?

Over the years, I have learned this about myself. Never say never. Maybe someday I'll be a marathon runner or something crazy like that. Maybe I'll sell homemade blankets or bows or jewelry. Maybe I'll be a vegan. Or maybe I'll SING AND PLAY PIANO! Who knows, because life brings you to crazy places when you're ready and not a minute before.

But, as it stands, I guess I'm a hippie of sorts. WHO EVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED???!!! I want to stay working at home as long as possible, just loving on that family of mine and nurturing their bodies and souls.

Note: While I have made a lot of changes in our home, I am not 100% at anything. Nothing. And I like it that way. Flexibility in the discipline.

Pregnancy Notes

Long time, no post.

I did have what I considered to be a good excuse for a recanting of my consistent blogging goal. I have a special condition in which I feel the need to disclose all, and if I wrote I just might have needed to announce my pregnancy early. So, I did not blog at all. That way, I avoided any slip of the keys.

So here we are, I'm 16 weeks pregnant, and things are going well. For the first few weeks, I was tired and quite nauseated. I started taking antacid medicine b/c acid was making my throat swell and inhibiting, you know, swallowing... and you know what? It all but cured my nausea too! Who knew? So now I'm just left with tired and I can handle that through the art of occasional laziness.

Since about 7 weeks, I have been injecting heparin shots in my belly 2x a day. I must admit that I somewhat enjoy the reaction that such a statement invokes. The shots are simply precautionary b/c I have an inherited tendency to form blood clots, although, so far, so good. The shots leave bruises all over my tummy that last forever... I'm talking, like, a year after the pregnancy is over. But really, they don't hurt much at all and I don't mind them. Really. Maybe it makes me feel slightly brave since I used to be PETRIFIED of needles.

On to more fun things. I have a couple dear friends (Sarah and Lacie) who convinced me to drive with them to the Sandy mall at 14 weeks for an elective gender ultrasound. What a great day! By some miracle, Michael was able to take off work, so Lacie, Sarah, Michael, and all our kids hit the road. I walked into that appointment with a VERY very VERY full bladder (partially loaded with OJ to wake the baby). Things worked out beautifully as we could see the little 'it' clearly as it kicked, flipped, and waved. Then 'it' showed us its royal boyhood and he will never be an 'it' again! Well, that little guy is quite the trickster b/c myself, my parents, and most of my friends were duped and swore a girl was on her way. Michael wore his blue shirt as he wholeheartedly rooted for the underdog. He even won 5 dozen cookies in a few friendly gender wagers. But the minute I saw his face (if you can call it that) in the sonogram, I had a feeling a boy was joining us and it just felt right. So although I can't picture a boy (since our only boy looks very little like he belongs to us) and we're stumped on names, we are very excited to welcome Baby Boy Schaefer in mid April. Although Quincy may still be hoping the doc was wrong. :)

We finished off the exciting day with an afternoon at Jungle Jim's for the kids and we LOVED IT. The kids rode the mini-amusement park rides again and again with no lines. Quincy (my 3 year old) rode one super fast spinning ride again and again BY HERSELF. In saying that, I mean THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE RIDE! Where in the world can a 3 year old demand that a ride be put into motion just for her???!! It was incredibly afforable and worth every penny. Unless you are a germ-a-phobe. At that point, it might NOT be worth every penny. But hey, we wash hands and sanitize, and it's all good-ish.

We will welcome the baby in mid-April. The doc said I'd need to deliver at 38-39 weeks due to my blood clotting thing. April 21 is my actual due date. Avery and Quincy want to name him so bad! They have suggested everything from Jiggly-Puff to Kirby. Uh, they won't have any say in that process. Sorry kids.

Exercise is a Four Letter Word

(b/c that is what I'd rather be doing.)

I have every excuse in the book not to exercise.

1. We can't afford fancy gym daycare.

2. Michael works a lot at 6 am and I'm not about to get up at 4. I like (understatement) sleep.

3. I'm exhausted at night. Plus, its the only family time we get, so I'm not interested in leaving to bust my butt.

4. I pee my pants. Thanks to birthing Avery, I have moderately severe incontinence. Like I can't run, or do the elliptical, or walk too fast, or jump, or laugh, or lift too much, or get scared, or blah, blah, blitty, blah . . . without inking myself. It sure discourages me from parts of life. But when I'm determined, I diaper up and change often. Cool.

5. I HATE exercise videos b/c I'm sadly a modern girl who needs music, a book, or a movie to muscle through an hour of torture. Sometimes I'll do them. :(

6. I worked out for MONTHS with ZERO results. I dieted for MONTHS with ZILCH shrinking. I have lost a few pounds with drastic measures, but I quickly gained the weight back. So now, I'll start up again for a few weeks and think this time will be different, but I soon lose motivation (not pounds). I still have hope something will work.

BUT, I laid in bed the other night praying and brainstorming, and here's what I got: Exercise bike. I did some research on how to get a good bike workout. AND there's no pee, no gym, and no restrictive schedule. Thank you Ollie for letting me borrow your bike while I figure out if it's worth a buy.

I'm doing 50 minutes daily of sweaty, sweaty cardio (incorporating intervals). And I'm doing Weight Watchers (again). After 3 days of diet and biking (drumroll) ............. I have gained 2 pounds. Sweet. And I'm having flashbacks of past efforts. But of course its much too early to give up. You skinny folk might not understand, but sometimes, for some people, its not simply a matter of cals in and cals out. Cross my fat heart.

All I have to do is DREAM, DREAM, DREAM

I have been urged by some friends and family to blog more. 'Bout what, though? Well, lets talk about my dream world. In no particular order, I give you, kind folks, an abbreviated list of some of the loveliness I plan to attain!

1. I'm thin and fit. Phew! What a struggle THAT's been, for the last 3 years especially. SOMETHING in my body has changed dramatically. Screw age! Damn genetics! Curses to weird bodily ailments and mysteries! But I've got a new resolve and I'm gonna make something happen! I might have to work out twice as hard and eat half as much as normal folk, but if that's what I have to do, I'll do it!!! (Now watch me get pregnant finally.)

2. I live in a pretty house in the country. That's new for me. I've always been a city girl b/c I like consumer-ing so very much. But, I have discovered that I want a quiet peace away from too many neighbors. I don't want to keep up with Jones' either. I want to feel safe and let my kids run outside all day. And I want that house to be modest. Crisp, classic, and average.

3. I'm rich. LOAD-ED. But no one knows it. I'm able to give and give and give, mostly anonymously. So we live in a well-kept medium size house, have a couple almost new cars, employ a bit of help in the house and yard, and travel all over the world. Even our children are not aware of our wealth, and will not be excessively spoiled. Oh, and Michael doesn't have to work long hours since he pays other people (generously) to do his bidding.

4. My parents live RIGHT next door. My dad and I garden together. My kids run between houses as they please. We see Michael's side of the family more b/c we don't have to travel to see my folks. My mom and I cook all natural, organic-y meals together. And we exercise together. And of course shop together. I work on their feet to keep them in the best of health. Michael and I even get to go on the occasional date (EVEN OVERNIGHT) b/c we have 2 fabulous sitters next door. Okay, one fabulous one. Dad needs some coaching there.

5. We have 4-6 kids. Or maybe more. Because it's dream world and our kids are swell and we're ridiculously marvelous parents. So we have loads of fun, witty, smart, gorgeous, loving, helpful, healthy, faithful, obedient children. We eat meals together, vacation together, worship together, and laugh all the day long. My kids are over-achievers, but are not over-scheduled. Loads of friends think of our house as their second home b/c we keep an open door to all (ish).

That's enough dreaming for now. As if I'm a child, I naively believe the world can be mine. Stay tuned. You'll see.

Buwahahahaha (evil laugh with hands rubbing together in plot)

This is a copy of the letter I received (in scroll form) on my birthday last week. Michael's so fun :) I have to say that I was pretty easy on him, considering the power in my hands!

Happy Birthday my sweet lil’ Summerlicious!

I am so happy its your special day, but so sorry were broke! And since we have no money to get presents for each other this year, I wanted to give you something money can’t buy!

You are my Queen, and I LOVE YOU SO MUCH that I would do anything for you. So that’s exactly what you are getting today, on your very special spoiling day – ANYTHING YOU WANT! If you want me to clean house, done. If you want me to cook food, the oven is on. If you want me to scrub toilets, I got the brush! If you want a back massage, or to play with your hair, or to rub your feet, or to mop the floor, or to do laundry, paint your toenails, snuggle with you, or anything at all, I’m your man. I will dance for you, sing for you, write you a song, mince vegetables, clean the garage, act like an animal, shower you with hugs and kisses, jump for you, roll in the snow for you, (nekkid if you so desire), or even go shopping for you! I will take you out shopping, (yah, I said it twice), out to a movie, to the library, to run errands, or out on a cruise. If you want a ride on me back like a horse, I will make horse sounds. If you want to sleep all day long, I will make sure you are not disturbed. I will do the dishes, take care of the kids, floss your teeth, draw you a bath, or even lick your toes! I’ll read you a book, vacuum the floors, or paint the walls, or change light bulbs. I will shovel snow, rearrange furniture, sit and talk about life and dreams, or build you anything you want.

So what I’m trying to say is, TODAY IS YOUR DAY because you deserve anything you want, AND I WILL DO WHATEVER, (anything), YOU WANT. I am your SLAVE FOR THE DAY! Because you are my Queen and I will do anything for you because I love you so much!!!

Time is running! You better start making some demands, my QUEEN!!!

Yours truly,

Michael Slaver, your Slave.

P.S. I know you should be treated like a Queen EVERYDAY, and I’ll try to be better at that. But at least for today, you will be a queen all day!!!