Schaefer's Crazy World: May 2008

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

PErmanEnt Damage

Gotta take the good with the bad, right. In the spirit of disclosure and laughing at my expense, I'm going to once again lay it on the table. Once upon a time I had a normal bladder. Then I gave birth. Out comes Avery and thanks to drugs, I'm feeling peachy keen. He was born around 6pm and at about 3am I decide to sneak out of my hospital bed to use the bathroom. As I roll off my bed, 'water' starts gush-gush-gushing out of me. I cannot over exaggerate this story. And my legs were still not working, so I stood balancing with my bed and soaking the floor. Michael arouses on his couch and sees me pee-ing on his flip-flops. Side-note: Michael has a germ phobia and is especially particular with feet. He never lets his feet touch the ground. He wears these special flip-flops, even in our own house and at all times. And I was peeing on them. So he wakes and says groggily: "Uh, you're peeing on my shoes." Brilliant Michael. So he reaches to the nurse call button and says, confused, "Uh, my wife has a leak?" I'm trying to make myself feel better, so I assure myself that this is just one of those things about birth that you don't get told. So when the nurse comes running in, I say, "You probably see this all the time." She looks disgusted and says, "Uh, no." So she strips me right there and walks me to the restroom. Humiliating. Seriously humiliating. Then a nurse arrives to check things out the next day and catheterizes me. She freaks out and starts yelling for the doc. She is told that the doc is in surgery, but she insists the doc see this (whatever THIS is). The doc arrives and acts calm, but soon informs me I'll be going to physical therapy. I get home and have zero control over my bladder. I still don't realize that this is far from normal and consequently I don't ask enough questions. For the first couple days, I literally couldn't change direction when walking or ... gush. Then it got a bit better. I just couldn't walk fast or sneeze or be startled, etc. After physical therapy (which by the way was shock-zzzzz- therapy), I could walk fast and even sneeze sometimes pee-free. I learned to deal. Bringing extra 'just in case' underwear or wearing a pad to exercise. Although running and jumping were out of the question. Then I got pregnant with #2. Couple pre-existing incontinence with pregnancy and things get ugly. Sometimes I'd have absolutely no warning and then just be peeing. And forget about bending over without prep. Soon I was wearing pads DAILY and I hate hate hate wearing pads. Life seemed weird like this until it became normal. After Quincy's birth, things were so much more tolerable, but still not good. Now I'm back at the point of not running or jumping for sure and hoping for the best with the sneezes, coughs, startles, and loud laughs. Hmmm.... I guess its on my mind a little extra lately for a few reasons. First, I'm tired of sitting out on life and I've decided to run in the mornings at the gym. So I just wear a pad there. Second, I have hay fever lately and those sneezes are too strong for me to handle. Third, I'm starting to strongly suspect that I was mishandled in the hospital with Avery. I didn't use the bathroom until 3am in the hospital after Avery arrived, so I overextended and damaged my bladder, but I didn't know I had to go because of the drugs. The nurses are supposed to know this stuff and help a sister out! Its standard! So now I have permanent damage via my stint in Hawaii (I don't think it would have happened elsewhere). Hence, you gotta take the good with the bad. Sweet. Such is life. HA!

My Dad Caught a Shark!

Seriously! He did! And I just might think this is cooler than anyone else does. He tugged on the 200+ shark for 45 minutes straight, not knowing it was a shark. They didn't bring the shark into the boat because they would have had to beat it to death (ech). I have to say that every girl thinks of her dad as a hero and the strongest man alive, so I think its pretty cool that my dad caught a shark.
Certain ideals of family are so sweet to me. Like how I always wanted my mom to be my BFF and she is. I just wish we could live closer and shop all the time. And I always wanted to snuggle through the night with my husband and Michael is a fabulous snuggler. And a handyman, like my Dad. Not to mention I'm obsessed with ears and he takes the prize on soft, squishy ears. And I always pictured a handsome mischevious son who could get away with most anything with a witty remark and a smile. Let's just say Avery is a little too cute for his own good. And then there's Quincy. I couldn't wait to dress a little girl in dresses and bows and this just might be more fun than it should be. Its everything I imagined it would be.
I'm sure a lucky little lady!

That's 2 for 2!

Easter '06. Avery's about 8 months and just starting solid foods. We're in Florida at my parents house. Michael, Avery, and I are playing with Avery's Easter Basket and Avery is giggling like crazy. Good times. We intermittently feed him some of Grandma's homemade mashed potatoes. Avery's laughing and laughing. We're beaming. Laughing. Beaming. Laughing. Beaming. Pause. Wait. Eh? PUKING. Puking all over. All over Mom. Long story short. We soon discover, via multiple episodes of vomit coupled with hives, that Avery is allergic to anything made with milk or eggs. Luckily many outgrow those allergies and Avery (phew) was one of the lucky ones.
Mother's Day '08. Getting ready for church. Michael (good man) made french toast for breakfast. So far, our little foodie daughter showed no signs of food allergies... until then. Within minutes after breakfast, she was covered head to toe in hives. Happy Mother's Day. I'm assuming it was the egg on the toast and hopefully not the wheat bread. Sheesh!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY CHILDREN?!!!

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Quincalicious!

Quincy says "Where's Avy? I dunno." She talks sooo much and she's so small (5th percentile) that is seems like she shouldn't be talking at all.
She roams wildly during church and has become quite the scavenger approaching anyone with food. Its embarrasingly adorable!
Quincy's vocab has exploded to include the words, "please, thank you, outside, sucker, candy, Avery, Grandpa, slide, ride, hold you, ni-night, water, bird, doggie, airplane, etc.....! She seems so little!
One of the most "wow" things she has done is climb one of those HUGE blow-up slides and slide down REPEATEDLY, ALL BY HERSELF!!!
Quincy (with great effort) threw the upper couch cushions on the floor and then proceeded to dive off couch, climb back up, repeat.
She says"I want: cookie, go, this, that, drink, wa-wa, play." She also says no, baby, hello, bye-bye, and peek-a-boo. And of course she says "Mom and Da."
Quincy talks a lot now. But first thing in the day and then 100 more times: "I want coo-kie." Very telling about her love affair with food.

AVERYISMS

A day after being educated, Avery pulled down his pants and touched his boyhood saying, "Hey Grandma, these are my private parts." HA-larious!
(After using the bathroom) "I made a waterfall. Then I made it stop."
"Hey Dad. This is my [invisible] friend Caillou. Will you be a monster and scare us?"
"Grandpa, what's in your belly?" says Avery. Mom says, "What do you think is in there?" "A baby?" guesses Avery. "Nope. Just lots of cherries," says Grandpa Schaefer. HAH!
Quincy was crying in the middle of the night and Avery said, "Take a deep breath, Quincy." It was sweet.
Quincy was screaming like a pterodactyl for Avery's food, so he snapped "Chill Out Quincy!"
In Avery's first attempt at being a smart-a, he was playing with his friend Jaden Knight and we were asking the boys their full names. Avery responded that his name was Avery James Day. Might have had to be there.
Avery still tries to stick his hand down my shirt. When I won't let him, he occasionally asks if he can stick his foot down my shirt instead.
I told Avery that Heavenly Father lived in heaven. He thought I said he lived 'with Kevin', so in alarm he asked, "With Kevin and Melissa?!!!"
Avery was out cold and we had to go. It was odd how I couldn't wake him, so I threw him over my shoulder and started heading out. All of the sudden with startling gusto, he yelled "I see Jesus." I thought he was a visionary, but turns out he woke up just as I walked past a picture of Christ.

A few Shaeferism's

Michael loves being his own boss, living OUT of Arizona, dreaming about humongous future purchases, and watching three other nameless people spend his money. He stays busy working more than full time at the office, donating hours upon hours with his church clerk calling, and wrangling kids with any spare minutes in the day.

Summer loves shopping, sleeping, reading gossip mag's, chatting on the phone, and other very important things. She's working on keeping children alive and fed, exercising, eating green food, blogging (aka: journaling), and maintaining a livable home.

Avery is obsessed with monster trucks. He puts on mini shows with his toys on the couch. He also likes animals, especially the ferocious ones. In an instant, he turns into a lion or a dinosaur and starts talking in an innocently possessed roar. Its safe to say that Mom and Dad are not his role models, but rather the bald, whiny, Canadian 4 year old cartoon character Caillou. Yes, the kid really is bald and named Caillou (ki-you). Caillou seems to be his only motivation to do big boy things like sleep in his own bed or use the toilet. One word to describe Avery would be "charismatic." That boy gets what he wants.

Quincy is a-dor-able! She's getting so big, so fast! She began crawling right at 7 months. She is now pulling herself up on anything she can to stand. But she's scared to let go and sit, so she stands there for a long time until I rescue her. She's such a smily, giggly baby. Oddly enough, she was born with two teeth, and one was too loose so it was pulled. So you'd think that by now (almost 8 mo.) she'd have a mouth full. But no. No more teeth. Just the one. She gets so excited around her big brother. She giggles and bounces and chatters when he gives her attention. Luckily she doesn't know the feeling is not quite reciprocal. One word to describe Quincy would be "sunshine." Oh, she's so smoochie, squishy-tastic!

Schaefer's Crazy World