Exercise is a Four Letter Word

(b/c that is what I'd rather be doing.)

I have every excuse in the book not to exercise.

1. We can't afford fancy gym daycare.

2. Michael works a lot at 6 am and I'm not about to get up at 4. I like (understatement) sleep.

3. I'm exhausted at night. Plus, its the only family time we get, so I'm not interested in leaving to bust my butt.

4. I pee my pants. Thanks to birthing Avery, I have moderately severe incontinence. Like I can't run, or do the elliptical, or walk too fast, or jump, or laugh, or lift too much, or get scared, or blah, blah, blitty, blah . . . without inking myself. It sure discourages me from parts of life. But when I'm determined, I diaper up and change often. Cool.

5. I HATE exercise videos b/c I'm sadly a modern girl who needs music, a book, or a movie to muscle through an hour of torture. Sometimes I'll do them. :(

6. I worked out for MONTHS with ZERO results. I dieted for MONTHS with ZILCH shrinking. I have lost a few pounds with drastic measures, but I quickly gained the weight back. So now, I'll start up again for a few weeks and think this time will be different, but I soon lose motivation (not pounds). I still have hope something will work.

BUT, I laid in bed the other night praying and brainstorming, and here's what I got: Exercise bike. I did some research on how to get a good bike workout. AND there's no pee, no gym, and no restrictive schedule. Thank you Ollie for letting me borrow your bike while I figure out if it's worth a buy.

I'm doing 50 minutes daily of sweaty, sweaty cardio (incorporating intervals). And I'm doing Weight Watchers (again). After 3 days of diet and biking (drumroll) ............. I have gained 2 pounds. Sweet. And I'm having flashbacks of past efforts. But of course its much too early to give up. You skinny folk might not understand, but sometimes, for some people, its not simply a matter of cals in and cals out. Cross my fat heart.

All I have to do is DREAM, DREAM, DREAM

I have been urged by some friends and family to blog more. 'Bout what, though? Well, lets talk about my dream world. In no particular order, I give you, kind folks, an abbreviated list of some of the loveliness I plan to attain!

1. I'm thin and fit. Phew! What a struggle THAT's been, for the last 3 years especially. SOMETHING in my body has changed dramatically. Screw age! Damn genetics! Curses to weird bodily ailments and mysteries! But I've got a new resolve and I'm gonna make something happen! I might have to work out twice as hard and eat half as much as normal folk, but if that's what I have to do, I'll do it!!! (Now watch me get pregnant finally.)

2. I live in a pretty house in the country. That's new for me. I've always been a city girl b/c I like consumer-ing so very much. But, I have discovered that I want a quiet peace away from too many neighbors. I don't want to keep up with Jones' either. I want to feel safe and let my kids run outside all day. And I want that house to be modest. Crisp, classic, and average.

3. I'm rich. LOAD-ED. But no one knows it. I'm able to give and give and give, mostly anonymously. So we live in a well-kept medium size house, have a couple almost new cars, employ a bit of help in the house and yard, and travel all over the world. Even our children are not aware of our wealth, and will not be excessively spoiled. Oh, and Michael doesn't have to work long hours since he pays other people (generously) to do his bidding.

4. My parents live RIGHT next door. My dad and I garden together. My kids run between houses as they please. We see Michael's side of the family more b/c we don't have to travel to see my folks. My mom and I cook all natural, organic-y meals together. And we exercise together. And of course shop together. I work on their feet to keep them in the best of health. Michael and I even get to go on the occasional date (EVEN OVERNIGHT) b/c we have 2 fabulous sitters next door. Okay, one fabulous one. Dad needs some coaching there.

5. We have 4-6 kids. Or maybe more. Because it's dream world and our kids are swell and we're ridiculously marvelous parents. So we have loads of fun, witty, smart, gorgeous, loving, helpful, healthy, faithful, obedient children. We eat meals together, vacation together, worship together, and laugh all the day long. My kids are over-achievers, but are not over-scheduled. Loads of friends think of our house as their second home b/c we keep an open door to all (ish).

That's enough dreaming for now. As if I'm a child, I naively believe the world can be mine. Stay tuned. You'll see.

Buwahahahaha (evil laugh with hands rubbing together in plot)

This is a copy of the letter I received (in scroll form) on my birthday last week. Michael's so fun :) I have to say that I was pretty easy on him, considering the power in my hands!

Happy Birthday my sweet lil’ Summerlicious!

I am so happy its your special day, but so sorry were broke! And since we have no money to get presents for each other this year, I wanted to give you something money can’t buy!

You are my Queen, and I LOVE YOU SO MUCH that I would do anything for you. So that’s exactly what you are getting today, on your very special spoiling day – ANYTHING YOU WANT! If you want me to clean house, done. If you want me to cook food, the oven is on. If you want me to scrub toilets, I got the brush! If you want a back massage, or to play with your hair, or to rub your feet, or to mop the floor, or to do laundry, paint your toenails, snuggle with you, or anything at all, I’m your man. I will dance for you, sing for you, write you a song, mince vegetables, clean the garage, act like an animal, shower you with hugs and kisses, jump for you, roll in the snow for you, (nekkid if you so desire), or even go shopping for you! I will take you out shopping, (yah, I said it twice), out to a movie, to the library, to run errands, or out on a cruise. If you want a ride on me back like a horse, I will make horse sounds. If you want to sleep all day long, I will make sure you are not disturbed. I will do the dishes, take care of the kids, floss your teeth, draw you a bath, or even lick your toes! I’ll read you a book, vacuum the floors, or paint the walls, or change light bulbs. I will shovel snow, rearrange furniture, sit and talk about life and dreams, or build you anything you want.

So what I’m trying to say is, TODAY IS YOUR DAY because you deserve anything you want, AND I WILL DO WHATEVER, (anything), YOU WANT. I am your SLAVE FOR THE DAY! Because you are my Queen and I will do anything for you because I love you so much!!!

Time is running! You better start making some demands, my QUEEN!!!

Yours truly,

Michael Slaver, your Slave.

P.S. I know you should be treated like a Queen EVERYDAY, and I’ll try to be better at that. But at least for today, you will be a queen all day!!!

Confusion, Frustration, and Hypocrisy

(Warning: Stop reading unless you want way too much information into my personal life.)

Ahhhh life. Lately I'm feeling very wrapped up inside my own head. We've had an awful, terrible, horrendous year financially. And I've tried to do the right things, like support the husband, live within our means, swallow pride, put family first, and keep perspective. I have not been able to afford eating out, or dates, or sitters, or gifts, or make-up. We eradicated most every luxury we could. (I say most... you see that we still have internet). At the worst, I have been so broke that I wondered where the diapers, toilet paper, deodorant and rent would come from. And I have all these awful thoughts, like... I'm better than that. Like, I'm 31 and should own a house. Like, I'm too good to swipe my food card in the grocery line. Like I deserve more. For months I have gone to the store and bought food (thank you Uncle Sam) and NOTHING more. We made do. And then I cracked. I just bought what we needed and some things I wanted... on credit. Credit we couldn't afford. Dumb. Now we're back to square one, but with debt on top of our woes.

And while I might be feeling somewhere close to bitter today, I should be feeling grateful. God himself has kept a roof over our heads and food in our mouths. We're all clothed, clean, warm, and healthy. And I absolutely adore my little family. I hear stories of true poverty and suffering, so how can I complain? Haiti, India, Guatemala... I live in America where our standard of living is so high that because my wants aren't met, I am pitied. If I lived in a 3rd world country, our lifestyle would exceed all those around me. I deserve no more than anyone on this planet. I try to remember that, and most of the time I do... but today, hmmm... .

I'm tired. I'm tired of the uncertainty, the instability. I'm tired of my husband working sooooo hard at multiple jobs for next to NOTHING. Running a business can blow... but the rainbow we're chasing is always just around the corner. And really, the corporate ladder rarely offers opportunities for greatness. 'Yes sir. No sir. May I have a raise, sir?' I absolutely respect that world and it certainly offers more security, but it's just not for Michael. He dreams big. So I hang on. By my teeth.

Life is supposed to be hard, right? But I feel confused... and sad inside about that. I KNOW God exists, and I KNOW he hears my prayers, but I don't understand His will and timing. Why did my friend's baby have to die? Why haven't we made money yet? Why can't my parents live by me? Why do I have the MOST annoying health issues that make me the Good Year Blimp who may or may not have ripped through the bums of two pairs of pj pants this month? I'm such a hypocrite. I pray that the Lord will spare us from real, true tragedy... and He does. I let Him know that I'm willing to learn life's lessons through other means, so bring it on... and He does. So WHY in the world do I feel any sort of frustration, confusion, or hypocrisy? I have no right. The nerve of myself! Uh, note to self: Reroute to gratitude. Reroute dang-it!

(I hope to be the subject of an incredible rags-to-riches story someday. And I hope to be the most generous, humble, and kind sort of rich folk.)

I AM A WITCH DOCTOR!!! but seriously.

Long story. A surprising twist to my life. Where to start. So a good friend of mine (Sarah C.) went to see a "Renewist" and recommended I do the same. I was uninsured, battling with health annoyances, and just plain curious, so early in '09, I went to see Jamie, a SureFooted Health Renewist. I guess its like Reflexology on 'roids. She was amazing and I was amazed. She did these moves on my feet and proceeded to tell me all about MY medical history. It felt like voo-doo, but it was so scientific and specific. She knew I had bladder problems (thank you Avery), knew my back was sore (thank you car accident) and even knew I was having current food allergies in my throat (thank you OJ). She was dead-on with her observations. BUT, would it help FIX my maladies? Okay, sit down for some TMI. The very main reason I went in was because I have struggled with anxiety bad for a few years now. It has been constant since Quincy was born. Meds took the edge off, but I was tired of the drugs. And they kept me fat. SERIOUSLY, after she was done working her magic, I felt great. Balanced. Peaceful. Palpably so. It lasted about 4 days. I went again. Lasted about a week. Went again. Lasted a couple weeks. Went again and it lasted a month. Wow! WOW! I felt like myself again.

THEN life hit. HARD. Michael is self-employed. Around April, his business could only stay alive by cutting us off the payroll. So we lived off savings for a while. When they ran out, we struggled for life, for air, for sanity. Ironically, right before all this went down, I decided to cold turkey any meds I was on. You know, since I was doing so good. But then... STRESS! And no money to see Jamie! So I went to a very hard place. Anxiety attacks, even panic attacks. I felt TERRIBLY unsafe. I could not see the light of day. I was a beast. Cool. Michael felt strongly that he should be the one to provide for us. I felt the same. However, his job search was slow going. He needed to find a job that would pay the bills and still allow him to keep working at his own business (you know, for free). It was a tall order in this economy. I do have a degree, although arguably useless (History). If I did put my education to work, I would have to leave in the day and I REFUSED to put my kids in daycare. I'm super over-protective that way. I filled out loads of night job applications, but again couldn't kick the feeling that Michael was to get the job. With nothing short of a miracle, he landed a 2nd job at Pepperide Farms loading freight early in the mornings. The hours and pay were perfect to pull us through. I was so proud of him for putting aside pride and sticking with his dreams at the same time. He works 2 jobs now, and it takes its toll, but he gets to keep building his business dream and he pays the bills.

Now, as we began to pull out of that mess, I decided to get back on meds. I had to. No choice. Fatty or not. I had no money to pay for the voo-doo. Being on a better medicine this time, I began to think clearly. As I assessed the last couple months, I knew that I couldn't ever stand to feel so helpless again. I needed a trade. Something I could fall back on and pick up immediately if I didn't know how to buy TP again. I considered hair, massage, esthetics, you name it. But what really kept coming to mind was my trips to Jamie. I wanted that skill. I wanted that knowledge on so many levels. I wanted to be able to keep my family, my loved ones, and myself healthy. I wanted an escape route from the meds. As I looked back, I felt so strongly that recent events were acutely designed to lead me to this part of my life. A path I NEVER would have chosen on my own. So with the help of my parents, I enrolled in the same school Jamie had attended. I graduated in November and it has changed my life. Not only did I learn that foot magic (AMAZING), but I also learned so much about the body, food, herbs, oils, etc... . I have become THAT girl. That crazy girl who would rather try natural remedies first and who has an essential oil for that and who wants to look at your feet and see what's wrong. I am that girl who is loading her family with veggies and decreasing the milk and meat significantly. I am even that girl who is making WHOLE WHEAT bread for health purposes and who NEEDS a Vita-mix so I can make green smoothies. I AM THAT GIRL. And I plan on being that girl for life. I love what I do, the things I know, and how I feel about taking care of our bodies. I even learned to love my body (despite its imperfections) because it has been good to me and every day a million trillion things work together miraculously to keep me alive. I struggle trying to find time to do my own feet, but when I do, my chronic conditions immediately improve. I'm certain that when I do commit to work on myself, I won't even pee my pants anymore! So there you go! I AM A WITCH DOCTOR!!!

I'm a Mom with Cute Kids. I'm Obligated to Post Pics.

I don't do enough picture posts.  So here's some in honor of the tykes who run our world!




Avery and Quincy are starting (kinda sorta) to be good buddies.  Avery loves pretending, which means Quincy does too.  Can you guess who's who?  Hint:  Avery's the one who stays in character.

Cute kids, huh.  That's all I have to say about that.




Quincy tags along for every adventure Avery creates, and as if she's an acquired taste, Avery's starting to dig it!