Buwahahahaha (evil laugh with hands rubbing together in plot)

This is a copy of the letter I received (in scroll form) on my birthday last week. Michael's so fun :) I have to say that I was pretty easy on him, considering the power in my hands!

Happy Birthday my sweet lil’ Summerlicious!

I am so happy its your special day, but so sorry were broke! And since we have no money to get presents for each other this year, I wanted to give you something money can’t buy!

You are my Queen, and I LOVE YOU SO MUCH that I would do anything for you. So that’s exactly what you are getting today, on your very special spoiling day – ANYTHING YOU WANT! If you want me to clean house, done. If you want me to cook food, the oven is on. If you want me to scrub toilets, I got the brush! If you want a back massage, or to play with your hair, or to rub your feet, or to mop the floor, or to do laundry, paint your toenails, snuggle with you, or anything at all, I’m your man. I will dance for you, sing for you, write you a song, mince vegetables, clean the garage, act like an animal, shower you with hugs and kisses, jump for you, roll in the snow for you, (nekkid if you so desire), or even go shopping for you! I will take you out shopping, (yah, I said it twice), out to a movie, to the library, to run errands, or out on a cruise. If you want a ride on me back like a horse, I will make horse sounds. If you want to sleep all day long, I will make sure you are not disturbed. I will do the dishes, take care of the kids, floss your teeth, draw you a bath, or even lick your toes! I’ll read you a book, vacuum the floors, or paint the walls, or change light bulbs. I will shovel snow, rearrange furniture, sit and talk about life and dreams, or build you anything you want.

So what I’m trying to say is, TODAY IS YOUR DAY because you deserve anything you want, AND I WILL DO WHATEVER, (anything), YOU WANT. I am your SLAVE FOR THE DAY! Because you are my Queen and I will do anything for you because I love you so much!!!

Time is running! You better start making some demands, my QUEEN!!!

Yours truly,

Michael Slaver, your Slave.

P.S. I know you should be treated like a Queen EVERYDAY, and I’ll try to be better at that. But at least for today, you will be a queen all day!!!

Confusion, Frustration, and Hypocrisy

(Warning: Stop reading unless you want way too much information into my personal life.)

Ahhhh life. Lately I'm feeling very wrapped up inside my own head. We've had an awful, terrible, horrendous year financially. And I've tried to do the right things, like support the husband, live within our means, swallow pride, put family first, and keep perspective. I have not been able to afford eating out, or dates, or sitters, or gifts, or make-up. We eradicated most every luxury we could. (I say most... you see that we still have internet). At the worst, I have been so broke that I wondered where the diapers, toilet paper, deodorant and rent would come from. And I have all these awful thoughts, like... I'm better than that. Like, I'm 31 and should own a house. Like, I'm too good to swipe my food card in the grocery line. Like I deserve more. For months I have gone to the store and bought food (thank you Uncle Sam) and NOTHING more. We made do. And then I cracked. I just bought what we needed and some things I wanted... on credit. Credit we couldn't afford. Dumb. Now we're back to square one, but with debt on top of our woes.

And while I might be feeling somewhere close to bitter today, I should be feeling grateful. God himself has kept a roof over our heads and food in our mouths. We're all clothed, clean, warm, and healthy. And I absolutely adore my little family. I hear stories of true poverty and suffering, so how can I complain? Haiti, India, Guatemala... I live in America where our standard of living is so high that because my wants aren't met, I am pitied. If I lived in a 3rd world country, our lifestyle would exceed all those around me. I deserve no more than anyone on this planet. I try to remember that, and most of the time I do... but today, hmmm... .

I'm tired. I'm tired of the uncertainty, the instability. I'm tired of my husband working sooooo hard at multiple jobs for next to NOTHING. Running a business can blow... but the rainbow we're chasing is always just around the corner. And really, the corporate ladder rarely offers opportunities for greatness. 'Yes sir. No sir. May I have a raise, sir?' I absolutely respect that world and it certainly offers more security, but it's just not for Michael. He dreams big. So I hang on. By my teeth.

Life is supposed to be hard, right? But I feel confused... and sad inside about that. I KNOW God exists, and I KNOW he hears my prayers, but I don't understand His will and timing. Why did my friend's baby have to die? Why haven't we made money yet? Why can't my parents live by me? Why do I have the MOST annoying health issues that make me the Good Year Blimp who may or may not have ripped through the bums of two pairs of pj pants this month? I'm such a hypocrite. I pray that the Lord will spare us from real, true tragedy... and He does. I let Him know that I'm willing to learn life's lessons through other means, so bring it on... and He does. So WHY in the world do I feel any sort of frustration, confusion, or hypocrisy? I have no right. The nerve of myself! Uh, note to self: Reroute to gratitude. Reroute dang-it!

(I hope to be the subject of an incredible rags-to-riches story someday. And I hope to be the most generous, humble, and kind sort of rich folk.)