PErmanEnt Damage

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Gotta take the good with the bad, right. In the spirit of disclosure and laughing at my expense, I'm going to once again lay it on the table. Once upon a time I had a normal bladder. Then I gave birth. Out comes Avery and thanks to drugs, I'm feeling peachy keen. He was born around 6pm and at about 3am I decide to sneak out of my hospital bed to use the bathroom. As I roll off my bed, 'water' starts gush-gush-gushing out of me. I cannot over exaggerate this story. And my legs were still not working, so I stood balancing with my bed and soaking the floor. Michael arouses on his couch and sees me pee-ing on his flip-flops. Side-note: Michael has a germ phobia and is especially particular with feet. He never lets his feet touch the ground. He wears these special flip-flops, even in our own house and at all times. And I was peeing on them. So he wakes and says groggily: "Uh, you're peeing on my shoes." Brilliant Michael. So he reaches to the nurse call button and says, confused, "Uh, my wife has a leak?" I'm trying to make myself feel better, so I assure myself that this is just one of those things about birth that you don't get told. So when the nurse comes running in, I say, "You probably see this all the time." She looks disgusted and says, "Uh, no." So she strips me right there and walks me to the restroom. Humiliating. Seriously humiliating. Then a nurse arrives to check things out the next day and catheterizes me. She freaks out and starts yelling for the doc. She is told that the doc is in surgery, but she insists the doc see this (whatever THIS is). The doc arrives and acts calm, but soon informs me I'll be going to physical therapy. I get home and have zero control over my bladder. I still don't realize that this is far from normal and consequently I don't ask enough questions. For the first couple days, I literally couldn't change direction when walking or ... gush. Then it got a bit better. I just couldn't walk fast or sneeze or be startled, etc. After physical therapy (which by the way was shock-zzzzz- therapy), I could walk fast and even sneeze sometimes pee-free. I learned to deal. Bringing extra 'just in case' underwear or wearing a pad to exercise. Although running and jumping were out of the question. Then I got pregnant with #2. Couple pre-existing incontinence with pregnancy and things get ugly. Sometimes I'd have absolutely no warning and then just be peeing. And forget about bending over without prep. Soon I was wearing pads DAILY and I hate hate hate wearing pads. Life seemed weird like this until it became normal. After Quincy's birth, things were so much more tolerable, but still not good. Now I'm back at the point of not running or jumping for sure and hoping for the best with the sneezes, coughs, startles, and loud laughs. Hmmm.... I guess its on my mind a little extra lately for a few reasons. First, I'm tired of sitting out on life and I've decided to run in the mornings at the gym. So I just wear a pad there. Second, I have hay fever lately and those sneezes are too strong for me to handle. Third, I'm starting to strongly suspect that I was mishandled in the hospital with Avery. I didn't use the bathroom until 3am in the hospital after Avery arrived, so I overextended and damaged my bladder, but I didn't know I had to go because of the drugs. The nurses are supposed to know this stuff and help a sister out! Its standard! So now I have permanent damage via my stint in Hawaii (I don't think it would have happened elsewhere). Hence, you gotta take the good with the bad. Sweet. Such is life. HA!