CRAP!

What happened to my sweet little girl???? She's as stubborn as she is smart-which is a personality trait we can't imagine having in the Schaefer household. And for the past two days, she has gotten herself into some "messes". So I walked into her room when I heard her awake in the morning, and I see her diaper on the floor and her shirt in a half off twisted mess. But assaulting my senses was the ominous smell of POO. I cautiously approach the crip, hoping my nose has betrayed me, but I do know poo, and there it was-- a couple brown treats smeared on the sheets. WHY??? WHY WHY WHY??????
The very next day, I gave her a piece of chocolate. She wanted more. I declined. Well, she's a persistent little gal. She found a grocery bag housing a poopy diaper and she pulled out a small chocolate football inside. Seriously. She brought it up to me with a disgusted look on her face. I had no idea what was transpiring, so I examined the mysterious brown ball closely. CRAP! It was a ball of crap! And it had her teeth marks in it!!!! WHY?????
Within a couple hours, she had once again pulled off a diaper, this time with poo in it and rubbed her poo-bum on the floor! WHYYYYYYYY?????????
Please don't be indicative of the days to come. Please don't indicative of the days to come. Please don't be indicative of the days to come.
Come back to me my sweet easy innocent attitude-less girl! Come back. Eh, at least she'll have her good looks and genius to get her through life. Even if she has a poo obsession.

Conversations with my minors

Avery had a scratch on his chest. He sees it in the mirror and comes out of the bathroom sulking:
"Avery's broken."
Oh, no! What happened?
"I got a scratch. Avery's broken. You need to get a new Avery."
Where do we get a new Avery?
"At the store."
What do we do with the old Avery?
"I dunno. Feed him to the monsters."

Quincy (my 19 month old, by the way) took off her diaper and began running around the house yelling, "I'm naked! I'm naked!" Avery stripped and joined her. I let the naked party roll for a few minutes when all of the sudden I hear Quincy call for me. And what do I see in her room? A big turd. Nice Quincy. So I say, "Oh, no! Quincy, this doesn't make me happy. You pooped!" She replies, "Daddy did it."
"Oh, really? Daddy did it?"
"Yeah."
"Daddy didn't do it."
"Oh, Lacie did it."
"Lacie pooped on the floor?"
"Yeah."
"Quincy, Lacie didn't poop on the floor."
"Dave did it."
"Dave pooped on the floor?"
"Yeah. Dave pooped on the floor."
"Quincy, I think you pooped on the floor."
"Dave did it. Dave did it. Dave did it."
"Quincy pooped on the floor."
"Lacie did it. Avery did it. Dave did it."
I even called Lacie and put her on speaker and Quincy continued to sell her out. I guess I should have a talk with Dave, Lacie, Michael, and Avery and ask them to PLEASE not poop on my floor.

Rockin' White Trash Bash!

Michael and I both have February birthdays, and we've been wanting to have a White Trash themed party, so we threw our own WT bash.  It pretty much butt-rocked.  Hot Dang!  Ollie, our cake-friend expert made us the most amazing trailer cake, complete with Christmas lights, a free kittens sign, cinder blocks with weeds growing up, the mailbox propped in tires, rickety stairs, broken lattice work, and a crooked TV antennae! The party had plenty of make-up, big hair, greasy food, Twinkies, mullets, acid wash, doilies, fake teeth, Nascar, a trashed front yard, a simmering bbq grill, 80's rock music, and Jerry Springer clips in the background.  I sported big hair, fake tats, obnoxious make-up, light up heels, rockin' jeans, and a fake name (Trixie Bell). Everyone got a special name for the party. Think Earlene, Cletus, Bobbie Jean, Cooter, Pervis, etc... .  Mike sported a wife beater, another shirt with eagles, nasty facial hair, and bleached pants.  Lacie had huge groupie hair, heavy makeup, a hot pink animal print tank, and overalls.  Dave came with a mullet, a tight t-shirt, and droopy shorts with King of the Hill boxers exposed.  Emily took the time to Bedazzle a rockin jean vest.  She wore a jean skirt, tights, leg warmers, a high pony tail, and colorific make-up.  Mike D. sported a polyester green leisure suit, a mullet, and fake teeth.  Ollie ripped up some tights for her armwear, wore an off the shoulder sweatshirt, had loads of make-up, and rocked a hot pink sash.  Joe rocked a shirt that said "Mom likes me best" and detailed the outfit with his Nascar hat.  Elisha showed off her prego belly for the first time with a tight shirt and propped a ponytail on the tip top of her head.  Oh, and we can't forget Andrew's braided rattail made out of a lock of Elisha's hair.  He also had a crazy shaved beard and a mechanic shirt with his name on it.  Melissa showed up with HUGE hair, and for the record, it's real.  She also had fancy blue eye-shadow like most of the other girls.  Kev had a nice mullet, crazy facial hair, and flannel shirt with the sleeves ripped off.  Brittany wore a shirt that showed her "belly" and could fly away with those wings in her hair.  We had awards, raffles, and contests (Hostess eating, arm wresting).  We even had an impromtu harmonica jammin ho down, thank you Mike D.  We assigned everyone a humorous conviction and took mug shots.  Then we moved on to glamour shots with an bling bling back drop.  Everybody stayed amazingly in their white trash persona.  Especially Michael.  He got me wondering if he's "acting" normal on a daily basis and his white trash character wasn't a charade at all!  We laughed pretty darn hard for drinking IBC's!  Check out the bash with our don't forget to click the arrow next to the pics for more.  You can also make them bigger by clicking them, and its probably worth your time.  Yee-haw!

Wall Decor

We rent. We don't love our place, but its all we could find at the time. We're hoping to buy soon, but because its not our home, I haven't been motivated to decorate. Well, now we've been here a year and a half and its time to beautify. Apparently Michael and I were on the same page, because on Christmas morning, we surprised each other with similar pictures in similar frames. So we did some exchanging and rearranging, and here is the final wall product. It makes me feel grown up.

Quincy 101

For those of you who have been keeping up on the Schaefer courses, it is time for Quincy 101. Quincy weirds me out. She's a 17 month old with the mind of a three year old stuck in a 12 month old's body. She's pretty amazing. The jury's still out on whether she's a genius, a master mimicker, or just highly motivated. I cannot begin to name the things she says, but I'll try:
make-up, Spider man, Wall-E, ni-night, Avery, Summer, Michael, Avy's sad, kitty, doggie, woof-woof, horsie, bird, fishy, elephant, cow, moo, no monkey bed, airplane, go bye-bye, get down, get out, Bapa (grandpa), Mommy, Daddy, baby, walk, eyes, nose, boob, mouth, foot, no, yes, okay, I want apple juice, eat, food, water, Lacie, Ollie, Sam, Jack, socks, shoes, hat, light, hug, kiss, I'm stuck, I'm sick, broke, fix it, watch this, jump, spin, slide, cookie, candy, donuts, cup, book, medicine, hug, kiss, this, that, and (my favorite) I dunno.
Not that she says these words perfectly, but they are definitely discernible. I LOVE baby speak. She even constructs brief sentences such as "I wanna sit up there."
She also answers almost every question in some fashion. Do you want to eat? Yes. Do you want to go to bed? No? What are you doing? I dunno. You can't have that. Why?
I suppose she's been ahead in the game since she was born on July 23, 2007... with TWO TEETH!!! One had to be pulled because it was loose. How weird is that!
She's been walking since she was ten months and is very steady on her feet. She climbs on everything and has been doing stairs since then (virtually) without incident. When she had just turned a year, she had enough prowess to climb up those huge blow up slides and slide down all by herself. Repeatedly. She has no fear.
She already plays pretend. She will pretend to be a dog. She barks, and crawls around carrying a shoe in her mouth, all while taking orders from Avery to sit and lay for treats. She also has asked me to put her baby doll to ni-night and feed it.
Not to be out done by Avery, Quincy will say "Watch this!" and proceed to do a "trick" of sorts such as stomping her feet or putting her head to the ground. She's hilarious.
One of my new favorite antics occurs at bedtime. Michael asked Quincy to say the prayer, so she folded her arms and bowed her head and muttered something. Then she lifted her head and said, "What?" I responded that she needed to say "Amen." So she threw open her arms and yelled "AMEN!" Talk about adorable. She now participates in family prayer rotation.
We think she might have been accidentally switched at birth. Not because of the genius. We know where she got that, but because of the stubbornness. No idea where that came from. She will do anything to avoid sleep. She has this amazing glare she gives when she's not happy. She also has a supernatural way of making someone hold her by climbing up their hold or doing a monkey hold. She has recently been known to hit or head butt to get her way.
Quincy LOVES people. She goes to almost any adult that comes over and snuggles in their arms. It's quite flattering. She does it a bit during church, making rounds to the adults for snuggle time.
She's also obsessed with her big brother. She follows him around all day trying to do exactly what he does. I wish I could say that he loved every minute of it.
One cannot talk of Quincy without mentioning food. Food is her friend. Maybe her BFF. She'll eat almost anything. If you've got food, you've also got a little friend in your lap. On Christmas morning, she just kept repeating, "Nandy! Nonuts! Nandy! Nonuts!"
Oh for crying out loud I almost forgot the very most important thing you need to know about Quincy: She has a crazy natural growing mullet. And I KNOW where she got that from!!! Can't win 'em all!
Quincy Lyn Schaefer is sooooo adorable and fabulous and an addition that we just couldn't live without! We sure love her! What? What's that I hear? I think its the bell. Go home. There's nothing else to see here.

Merry Christmas!

Right about now I wish I could still say Mele Kalikimaka! We are certainly having a white Christmas this year. In my old age, I have come to accept certain limitations, one of which is that I am incapable of sending out Christmas cards. However, with the miracle of blogging now in my life, I can post a cyber Christmas card and rid myself of any guilt I may have been carrying each time I opened the mailbox and found another card from a dear old friend.
We have had a very good year in the Schaefer household. We are quite happy in Logan and in our current situations, While all of our celebretory days in 2007 seemed to be jinxed, 2008 proved the opposite and we partied hardy all year long. Birthdays and holidays were filled with family, friends, food, and fun. We were able to see extended family on both sides many times this year. Because of this, our children are well aware that other people like them as much as we do. We're hoping for a repeat next year.
Michael has enjoyed and excelled in his job. We are so proud of him and his business partner Dave for building a business from scratch that can sustain us and allow me (and Dave's wife Lacie) to stay home with the kids. He loves what he does and hopes to never work for "the man" again. His internet based recruiting business has undergone some changes due to the economy, but they have rolled with the punches and we're still doing fine. For now, instead of recruiting truckers, they recruit health care workers. They named their new business Cebola (which means "onion" in Portugese) but they thought it sounded cool and medical-like-ish. Hopefully the healthcare industry will be more economy proof. Michael spends most of his spare time shopping. Oh, wait, that's not him. He spends most of his spare time with the family. He is an extremely fun and attentive husband and father. He's hoping in 2009 he'll be able to delve into past hobbies such as photography and sculpture.
Summer spends her days at home with the kids and most days she loves it. This year she got a bit better at juggling a productive life with two kids, although that is not to insinuate that she makes herself presentable daily. She likes to shop and gets a kick out of finding bargains. Its the only talent she's willing to develop. She has a handful of fabulous friends here in Logan, so many days are filled with them and their children. She continues to try to wish her parents out of Florida. So far its not working, but at least at the moment they have come to spend the holidays with her. She's still the same outspoken, quirky, all over the place Summer.
Avery is three and a half and growing up so fast. In fact, he just informed Grandma of that. "I getting really big. I don't touch boobs anymore." And its true. He doesn't. Usually. And he's potty trained. I should capitalize that. AVERY'S POTTY TRAINED. He was just ready, so he pretty much did it on his own. That's how he rolls. He's so sweet (especially when sugar is void in his system). He tells us many times a day: "I sure love you. And that makes you happy." He's right, it does. He keeps us laughing all day long with his boy-ness. He watches lots of Disney movies and acts out the parts. He also memorizes books to read to us. Avery is sooooo excited for Christmas. He wants fish candy, Christmas cookies, cake, and green soda more than anything. Oh, and a pink toilet.
Quincy is a bit of a freak of nature. I mean that in the nicest way. She's tiny for her 17 months, but speaks like a 2 year old. I can only begin to list the things she says: "I'm sick", "Avery's sad", "Summer!", "medicine", "I don't know", "Amen", "okay", "I want out", "I'm stuck", "I dunno", "Where's Daddy?", "make-up", ETC... . I remember being excited that Avery said "lights" at her age during the holidays. She is so independent, friendly, opinionated, and snuggly. She's already used the potty a couple times after telling us she had to go. She's pretty much amazing. I'll post more of an update on her when I make a Quincy 101.
We've had a fabulous and fun Christmas season filled with baking, shopping, tree decorating, gathering pine-cones in pj's, ugly-Christmas sweater work party, Grandparents, and stray cats. Fabulous. Fabulous. Fabulous. Except that we were supposed to go see my brother Shane and his family in Las Vegas, and due to a blizzard with impeccable timing, we remained in the land of Mormons.  Sad.  Grandma has helped out with every aspect of this busy holiday season, including reminding me to teach our children the Christmas story and its true meaning (via a nativity set and books). Its easy to get so busy that we forget our Savior. So I guess it was in the true Christmas spirit that Grandpa "adopted" stray cats for us. Grandpa started by putting out warm milk and leftovers for the cats. Then he decided to cut a door in a cardboard box and include a blanket. Then of course the box needed weather-proofed with plastic wrap. Grandpa then decided to purchase a heating light and a candle warmer to keep them warm in the snow. A stray kitty home wouldn't be complete without an outdoor thermometer to monitor how cold their home gets. So our kids sit and watch the cats from the safety of our sliding glass door. Its all very adorable.
We wish our many loved ones happiness, joy, peace, prosperity, and goodness, all of which are achieved through our Savior Jesus Christ. Happy Birthday-ish to Him!

Avery 101

If you're interested in your Schaefer BS degree, you need to become proficient in the most fabulous little boy ever:  Avery.  He's pretty much amazing and very unique.  He was born August 24, 2005 (a month early) with an alarmingly blue swollen face.  It wasn't cute.  He shocked Michael and I with his dark brown hair and long dark lashes.  Avery was opinionated from day one.  He was adamant about being held, snuggled, and nursed most of the day.  When I had to leave him as a baby, Michael would hold him with a worn shirt of mine and he would stop crying.  It seemed that when our friends came over, he was on his worst behavior (esp. if those friends were considering having children... Mike and Rozel).  He used to make some elongated goat bleat.  It was adorably strange, especially during the silent moments at church. People commented everyday on how beautiful he was.  Absolutely everyday.  Except they usually said "she" was gorgeous.  Cool.  He could have been a twin to the Gerber baby.  He has two crazy cowlicks bordering his Eddie Munster widow's peak.  It's endearing.  Avery was a baby with impeccable timing.  He would have a poop blowout right before church (regularly), he would belch in the middle of prayers (remember Schaefers?), and he would spit up (almost exclusively) on store floors.  He has the most infectious laugh I've ever heard to this day.  From an absurdly early age, Avery was mimicking the noises and movements of animals, even obscure ones like lemurs.  He performed on demand until he realized that's what we wanted.  He knew a lot of words in sign language too.  Avery's never been a good sleeper.  I nursed him to sleep for a good 2 years.  He slept in our bed longer than that.  We thought for a while that he might be "that" kid that wouldn't leave our side EVER.  Then he began to make friends and we became significantly less important.  His best buddies so far have been Dylan (in AZ), Jaden, Caleb, Sam, Wynn, and cousin Tyler.  He also thinks Caillou (the French Canadian cartoon bald boy) is a good friend of his.  Like his Dad, Avery is very loyal to the select few friends he chooses, yet despite the loyalty, peer pressure means nothing to him.  He does not waver in what he does and does not want.  He tells us all the time how much he loves his friends... and what they want for Christmas.  He also loves his grandparents on both sides very much and talks about then regularly.  He loves to snuggle with me and I love to snuggle back.  Its snuggletastic.  He still comes in our room in the night for just such a purpose.  I don't have the heart (or desire) to kick him out.  And he gives the best little boy puckered kisses.  He now goes to bed in his own room with a book and a prayer, although recently the idea of monsters have caused a hitch in our convenience.  We gave him "monster spray" (aka:  Febreze) and he about smoked us out of the house with it.  But there are no more monsters now.  Avery does things on his own time.  I've learned its better that way for all involved.  He crawled, walked, and weaned later than the average tike.  Potty training is following suit.  I think somehow he was born with a constitution of rights in his own little mind that he is certain he's entitled to.  Seeing as only certain things he won't be pushed or hassled on, I let him have his illusions of importance.  Like when he would not, could not go inside the house if Dad unlocked and opened the front door.  It had to be me.  Sure, sure Avery.  No problem.  Amazingly, Avery has been able to survive on Ramen, chicken nuggets, pancakes, hotdogs, apple juice, pb sandwiches, and the occasional round of fries.  I suppose I shouldn't forget the candy, cake, and cookies he's willing to choke down.   In fairness, he was quite allergic to dairy and eggs for the first couple years.  Now he won't touch the stuff and he absolutely refuses to try new things.  Soon he might have no choice because he has become "sugar sensitive."  A short time after consuming sugar and some "white" food, he goes certifiable.  He gets infuriated over anything and seems to feel his soul has been injured to the core.  In his words, "sugar makes me mean."  Its true.  We're on three days sugar free and he's had no fits of rage.  Amazing.  Avery has long been a poop-denier. He'd be pooping (OBVIOUSLY) in his diaper and we'd ask him if he was.  He'd say "NNNNOOOO" in a very strained voice with a red face.  Recently, he started to say, "Mom, I pooped, and that's the truf."  Its hilarious.  Avery enjoys being a dog or a dinosaur on occasion.  One time after nursery, his teacher told me he stayed under the table most of the day roaring at the other kids like a lion in a den.  Avery loves Quincy... but he's kinda mean to her.  She spoils his plans.  So he has been known to push her down then run himself to timeout or hide from me.  He is a sponge ready to learn.  He loves books, puzzles, cartoons, animals, Monster trucks, and most boy-ly things.  He's very smart and observant.  He sees and points to things that I just can't seem to find.  He loves to cook, and has an obsession with squirt bottles.  He says the funniest things, like one time after sugar intake, he was fuming over something irrational and yelled, "I don't wanna follow Jesus!!!"  Or on the sweet side of things, after eating out once, Quincy was walking the wrong way as we were leaving and Avery said, "But we will miss her so much!"  He's often very polite.  In his sweet squeaky toddler voice, he often exclaims, "OH!  Thanks MOM!"  Melts my heart.  We love Avery so very very much!    He's got us wrapped around his crooked little pinky.  (It really is crooked).  Class dismissed.